The big question I’ve been receiving recently is, “How are you feeling about your upcoming journey?” The answer is…a lot. I would describe it as a roller-coaster. There are days where I feel absolutely overjoyed and there are days where I do not.
This week was a battle for me both emotionally and physically. Often, physical and emotional pain are intertwined for me. Some of you know that I suffer from migraines. In the last year, the migraines increased to the point where I was experiencing them weekly. With the onset of a migraine, my body and mind tend to collapse under extreme pain. The pain has lasted up to 48 hours before. In my weakness, I’ve noticed that I am a lot more susceptible to lies. These lies surface from lies about my worth and value to lies about my identity, ability to embark on this journey. Half of the time I feel unqualified to travel the world and proclaim Christ. I don’t like my weakness. It scares me. I often try to hide what I can of it. In fact, there have been countless times where my insecurities have overwhelmed me to the point where I hid or morphed into someone I am not. That’s not freedom. That’s bondage. As a believer, fear and insecurity are no longer apart of my name. That was cast out long ago. Every morning, I have the opportunity to rise and live as a child of God or shrink back into that old name and former life. I love Ephesians 6, in the Bible, where it discusses strength in the Lord.
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Eph 6:10
Our minds are war zones with the average person thinking 12,000 thoughts per day. Woah! We can either take our thoughts captive and tell them who is boss or let them run literally wild, influencing our every action and belief. I remember the first time someone told me to take my thoughts “captive.” It sounded extreme, almost insane and 100% out of my reach. It’s not. It’s worth it as wacky as it may sound. If you find yourself in an emotional rut, believing lies about yourself, I encourage you to go to God. Ask Him what He has to say about you. Go to scripture and speak it over yourself and the lies. Do it until you experience freedom and then continue.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Phil 4:8
Neuroscience heavily supports this verse. Every thought that you have releases chemicals within your brain. “Being focused on negative thoughts effectively saps the brain of its positive forcefulness, slows it down, and can go as far as dimming your brain’s ability to function, even creating depression. On the flip side, thinking positive, happy, hopeful, optimistic, joyful thoughts decrease cortisol and produce serotonin, which creates a sense of well-being. This helps your brain function at peak capacity” (Happy Brain). Transformation starts with the reNEWal of your mind! Happy New Year 😉
As I bombarded Jesus with questions this week, I received answers. I asked Him whether I was worthless and insignificant. I asked Him whether I was unqualified. I even asked Him whether this very blog post was stupid. This is what He told me. Even though in your eyes you have little significance, in mine you are worthy. I died an excruciating death because you are worth it. I know everything about you, including the number of hairs on your head. I know this not because I’m obligated to know but because I care to know. I created you to love you. You are my creation and my masterpiece. I am the one who qualifies you. I qualify you to go on this journey. Despite your weakness, I remain strong. Your words are powerful, life-giving and they glorify me.
To all of you who have prayed for me and continue to pray for me, thank you!! My migraines have decreased to about once or twice per month and I have identified a potential, treatable cause.
I leave for Indonesia, my first country, in 11 DAYS!! I leave Colorado in 7. There is still time to help fundraise. I have until May to raise the 2,000 dollars remaining to meet my goal of 19,200.
Lean into His love for you.
~Steph
Reference:
Happy Brain, Happy Life. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prime-your-gray-cells/201108/happy-brain-happy-life.
Loved reading this, Steph! I encourage you to continue repeating what the Lord told you in 4th to last paragraph each morning so you do fully know how beautiful, worthy, seen, and strong you are. I pray that as you help women in these countries know their worth, that the Lord can teach you through them your worth as well. Let us know how we can help you through your journey… Just know that I am scared if I’m qualified for the Race as well, but we are because God wouldn’t call us to this and bring us this far if we aren’t. But I know that’s sometimes easier said than done.
Sidenote: do you listen to Girls Night by Stephanie May Wilson?! Here are some episodes that I hope can help you:
#74: How to be brave with your life (and stop being so afraid of rejection)
#71: How to overcome insecurity and embrace your identity in Christ
#28: Depression & Insecurity: How to remember that you matter
Love you girl!
Steph:
As you know that I have many health challenges in my life. Our Lord and savior Jesus Christ was with me . He is with you now. He never gives us challenges we cannot handle. He loves us.I am praying for in my morning prayers. Someone took one of the bible verses and wrote it this way ” The energetic passionate prayers of godly people have the power to accomplish much.” There are people praying for you.
God bless
What a privilege it is to be a part of your journey, Stephanie. I’m excited to see where the Lord leads you in the wide-open space of His freedom, grace and love—and how you will shine His light and love! See you soon, dear heart!