In the last couple of weeks, I have felt so many different emotions towards my upcoming journey. I feel uncertain. I feel unprepared. I sometimes wonder why God would send me. 

So much of our culture is set on “find yourself” and “follow your dreams.” There was a time in my life where I spent hours trying to do just that. I wanted a purpose or a passion. I wanted significance. If you asked me who I was, I would have told you what I was doing that defined me. I clung to this surface level definition that I had created for myself.  There was something so comfortable about it yet so extremely empty. Attempting to “find myself” through this definition led to a period of time where I struggled to get out of bed in the morning. I would push through my daily activities, attempting to accomplish tasks that would uphold my thin definition. By the end of the day, I would come crawling back to bed numb and defeated. 

I wasn’t living. I was merely surviving. Scripture talks about losing your life for the purposes of the kingdom and dying to self, not finding yourself. It's counter-intuitive but within death to self there is freedom. You are not defined by what you accomplish but by Christ who gave up His life for you. He loves you and has chosen you as His child to live out His purpose. 

“He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it”-Matthew 10:39

“For if you want to save your own life, you will lose it; but if you lose your life for me and for the gospel, you will save it”-Mark 8:35

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”- Galatians 2:20

When we surrender our lives to Christ and His purpose, we find not just surface survival but abundant life. He is our purpose. He is life. 

Here I am Lord. Send me.

Thanks for the read ~Stephanie