Hey friends & family!
I have been eagerly awaiting finding the time to write this update. The last couple weeks have been filled with activity, from the Costa Rica trip to transitioning to another residence here in Colorado Springs. It has been one wild ride & I am so thankful for the Spring season and all of the newness that has budded with it. The Lord is faithful. I hope you’re able to take some time today to be present, to breathe & to know that He holds you in whatever season you are journeying through. Last month, I had the opportunity to serve in Costa Rica alongside Beauty for Ashes, a women’s ministry that focuses on healing & providing a safe space for women to share their stories and encounter Christ. Beauty for Ashes has a partnership with a ministry called Casa Transforma. Transforma works to empower women, children and immigrants. Transforma seeks to break the cycles of poverty through neuroscience and the provision of resources, mentorship and education. If you’re interested in learning more about this incredible organization & their mission, I’ve included a link below this post, alongside a short video created by one of my teammates. Over the course of a week, my team & I were able to experience a Beauty for Ashes retreat ourselves. Out of that place of healing, we organized four retreats where over 72 women attended, shared their stories and received healing.
As of late, I’ve had some very entertaining God moments…He really has a sense of humor and sometimes it shows up in the most bizarre ways. I swear God winks at me & says, “Steph, this one’s for you.” Upon arriving in Costa Rica, I felt weighed down. The feeling wasn’t new. Everything just felt heavier, as if there was a huge boulder perpetually dragging me down. I was exiting a challenging season. After some introspection, I identified the heaviness as anger. I had tried to expel it but it continued to follow me week after week. I went to therapy, read books on trauma, ranted to my friends & spent hours absorbing podcasts to attempt to validate the anger I dwelt in. I think there is a pervasive lie that I’ve believed that in order to speak on something effectively or minister to someone on a particular subject, I must be completely victorious myself. Ironically, God thought differently and I taught on the subject of forgiveness not once, but twice. Each time I was amazed by the forgiveness exemplified by the women attending. They so readily surrendered the hurt they carried. Immediately, after prompting them to write down the names of people they needed to forgive, they began doing so. I thought the activity would be met with hesitance, potentially taking 15 minutes of processing and surrendering at minimum. Instead, they readily wrote names down on the sheet of scratch paper given to symbolize their forgiveness. I stood there absolutely awestricken. A lot of these women had experienced horrific things done to them and their families. How could they possibly ever be willing to forgive? They had a right to their anger. Yet, here they were actively seeking healing despite it & walking in freedom. I saw an entire family restored through one woman’s decision to forgive her ex husband. They were both in attendance that day, a parole officer seated between them as this case was one of domestic violence.
When I think of forgiveness, I think of the passage in Isaiah where it says:
“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:3-6).”
It’s not even fathomable the amount of excruciating pain Christ willingly underwent. At any point in His affliction, He could have opted out & sought revenge *plot twist.* After all, He’s God and we, as a human race, despised and rejected Him. He had every right to smite us for our sin. Not only did He choose forgiveness but He chose to bear our iniquities, our transgressions and sacrifice Himself on a cross so that we might be saved.
Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. As memories of pain and hurt come to mind, we get to decide what to do with them. Do we allow them to dictate our lives and submerge ourselves further into the overwhelming emotional pit? Or do we choose freedom despite the emotions continuing to surface? Forgiveness is not pretending it didn’t happen or turning a blind eye to something done against you. It isn’t deserved or just or fair. However, it is a path that leads to freedom and healing. You can’t necessarily deter someone from hurting you but you do get to decide how that hurt plays out. Will you lead a hurt or healed life? On the plane back from Costa Rica, I decided to surrender the hurt and forgive. It took me several months & ironically, two days of teaching to choose that. When I did, I physically felt the weight of what I held onto dissipate. I still remembered the hurt but it no longer controlled me.
In other news, I am leaving for Africa on May 31st, for two months (story/blog post on that to come in the next week or two). With that being said, I am once again raising funds for this trip. If you feel so led, I would greatly appreciate your support. You can view the amount I am attempting to raise in the gray header above this post. Finances will go towards the overall cost of this mission as well as travel supplies and the yellow fever vaccination recommended. May God bless you. Below are the links referenced. 🙂
Casa Transforma: https://www.transformacr.org/
Video Created by Teammate: https://youtu.be/yC6T4jDIZu0
~Steph
