Hi friends and family, 

As I’m sure a lot of you have heard, I am now back in the United States alongside 550 World Race missionaries who were brought home from 22 different countries in the last week. So thankful for the amazing World Race (AIM) staff who prayed over and organized our trips back in such short order. Considering the worldwide border closures and flight cancellations, it is no short of a miracle that we are all back. This is my 6th day of quarantine and I have yet to experience any symptoms of COVID-19. Thank you, Jesus! 

I’ve had a lot of thoughts and questions in the last week. All of my experiences have been a little surreal. One day I’m in Thailand experiencing 100 degree weather, expecting to serve the Thai people in some capacity. Next, I’m on a nearly empty flight to Denver, without my teammates, hearing phrases like “social distance”, “self isolation”, “pandemic” and “quarantine.” This is not the America I remember. 

Two months ago, when I embarked on this journey, I was completely aware of what I was signing up for. I knew it involved a death to self that I had not experienced before. The week surrounding launch was hell for me. I didn’t want to go anymore. I wanted to cling to my idols, the ease and comfort of what I knew. I fought depression, anxiety and I questioned whether dying to self to bring people life was actually worth it. Was God going to bring any good from this? Month one, in Indonesia, I began the death walk. I know that sounds morbid but that is actually how I felt. My teammates and I were very sick within the first week of ministry. I used an Indonesian squat toilet that required lots of bucket water to “flush” the contents. Migraines came pretty consistently. When I wasn’t experiencing a migraine, I had pretty frequent food associated stomach upset. I woke up several times, multiple nights to relieve my stomach and find cockroaches or our pet rat, Frederick (yes, we named him) awaiting me.  Not to mention, my mind was under siege with lies about myself and others on my team. I felt an intense stripping away of what I clung to. I fought to find my idols, to cling to the remnant of what I knew, but they were nowhere in sight. 

Even in my broken mess, God remained. He wanted my attention. He wanted me. All along, my entire life, His hands had been outstretched, waiting for me to grasp onto them. “Steph, I have better for you. You don’t have to live out this bondage anymore.” Sometimes I realized it and accepted it for a day or maybe even a month. Eventually, I’d find myself crawling back to the idols. I never truly grasped on. I put the job, the friend, the opportunity, the career and even what people thought before my savior. I wanted to believe He came first, but He didn’t and that’s what I grappled with for month one of my race. Interestingly, if you look back in my blog, you’ll find that I also found abundance that same month. The reason? I decided to grasp on. He revived me and He revived others! It was worth it. 

God had to strip me before I reached for Him. God, in His goodness and mercy, allowed suffering in my life in order for me to revive. I could have continued living my easy, numb, empty and comfortable life, but He had more for me. He still has more for me because He is abundant. What if this pandemic has the same purpose? Yes, the world is suffering. It doesn’t feel good. It feels a lot like a broken mess. We don’t have it together and we’re realizing it. People are dying left and right. The healthcare system can’t handle it. Nurses and other healthcare professionals don’t have proper resources or equipment. They are sacrificing their lives with full knowledge of the risk. People have lost their jobs. People are fighting over the remaining toilet paper at the grocery store while somehow maintaining social distance or not. Our idols are being stripped. We really don’t know what tomorrow may bring. What’s left? Who is constant? He’s been there this entire time. It’s God. He is waiting with outstretched arms, waiting for this world to grasp back. What if Pandemic COVID-19 is actually an opportunity for Pandemic Revive? Will you grasp back? 

I’ve been reading a book called, “Don’t Waste your Cancer” by John Piper. I highly recommend it! In it, he talks about the differences between Satan’s purpose and God’s purpose. Satan’s purpose is to inflict fear and destroy our love for Christ. God’s design is to deepen our love for Christ. That looks like weaning us off the world and our idols. God could choose to stop COVID-19. He could choose to stop cancer. He has allowed it thus far, not to be cruel,but to get our attention and hopefully revive us.  COVID-19 doesn’t win if I die from it. COVID-19 wins if I fail to cherish Christ. COVID-19 wins if we refuse to grasp back. 

“If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

I’ve received a lot of questions in regards to whether or not I’ll be returning to the mission field. This is not where I expected to be month three of my race nor what I expected to be doing. However, long before I chose to embark on this journey, the Lord knew I would be right here in March 2020. Even though I’ve been rerouted, my purpose remains. Even though I’m in quarantine, my purpose remains. I will continue this blog. And yes, if it’s the Lord’s will, I will serve in other nations because I definitely have a heart for that. Love you all. Please reach out to me if you have any questions, comments or prayer requests.