Testimony Time~
There was a season of my life where I walked around enslaved. It wasn’t because of anything anyone had done to me but because of a choice I had made to actively cling to my past and not step into the freedom God had so graciously granted.
In Philippians 3:13 Paul urges the Philippian church to let go of their past, whatever that may look like (good or bad), and strain forward to what is ahead. “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” If you have biblical knowledge, you have probably heard of Paul. Paul had a ‘past.’ Before God radically changed his life, Paul’s main mission was the persecution of the Christ followers. And yeah, he murdered them. Amazingly, God changed Paul’s heart and Paul became one of the most renowned Christians in history. He founded several churches and influenced many disciples. In this passage, Paul is not suggesting that we entirely brainwash ourselves to forget everything that has happened to us. Instead, he encourages us to move forward, to not stay engulfed in the past.
It’s difficult for me to open up about this so publicly, especially on this blog… As a teenager, I strayed from the faith I was raised into. I lived a life of deceit. During my rebellion, I allowed sexual abuse into my life. Meaning, I willingly stayed in a relationship where I was being used wrongly for sexual purposes. One day, while my head was being held to the ground and I was being asked to repeat phrases that I won’t mention here, God brought me out. God spoke and told me to get up and go. I remember inhaling the dirt, almost suffocating from it…and then somehow with a strength that was definitely not my own, I resisted the hands of my oppressor and left. I left six months of daily, emotional, physical and even spiritual bondage. Looking back, it was almost physically impossible for me to have left the situation at that moment…But by the grace of God, I stood up and walked away.
Despite the fact that I had been delivered so miraculously that day, I struggled and continue to struggle to this day with my past. Satan loves to remind me of my failures and sometimes I get stuck in his schemes of condemnation. One day, while I was struggling with bitterness, self loathing and the mental slavery I had ascribed myself to post trauma, my grandma asked me whether I trusted God. I reluctantly, almost defensively told her that I did. She then told me that I needed to put the past behind me and trust in His goodness. The victim inside of me wanted to scream, “But do you know what I’ve gone through?” Even though Jesus had rescued me, my past was continuing to dictate my present.
To this day, I am still in the process of recovery. God has delivered me but I have to choose daily to live out that deliverance. It’s easy to try and anesthetize the pain but healing doesn’t come until we face it. The rate of your recovery is up to you. The degree at which you are able to embrace the pain is the degree to which you’ll recover. Often times, the pain of recovery is far greater than the initial injury. I want to tell you that healing is worth it. There is nothing you can do to change the past. Nothing. However, you can do everything to change the future if you have the courage to let go of the past. You have a choice. Jesus came to give you life, and life abundantly.
“I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly”~John 10:10
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” ~ Galations 5:1
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”~Isaiah 43:18-19
Part of my straining toward the future process looks like this trip. The World Race is a year long commitment where I’ll have to be present. At points of the journey, I may want to come home but not be able to. There are sacrifices and challenges involved but I know the cause of Christ is well worth it. Blessings! Please continue praying for me throughout this journey 🙂 Super appreciate all of the recent prayers and support.
-Steph
